1. |
you, all in white
03:34
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i had a dream that when you bled your blood ran baby blue (remember?)
sunsets were redder and the food tasted better at a table built for two
i hope one day i'll see you wearing all white
you'll tell me everyday is halloween if you hold your mouth just right
i hope one day i'll see you dressed in all white
you'll tell me everyday is halloween if you hold your mouth just right
-jordan says something about his brothers and sisters, i sing backwards-
he's part criminal, unsinkable
a crow baked into a pie
unlimited, barely visible
a ship conquering the tide
unfinished, unpredictable
a shadow falls and he looks up to see a strange shape in the sky!
"(aspen) never got caught! i never got caught! i never got caught! i never got caught!"
this is the first song i recorded for the album, just over a year ago now. strange.
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2. |
the days are just packed
04:21
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my days are just packed
these days are just packed
i knocked at the door
and the door knocked back
i have got four walls
and a doorway you could darken
a ribcage you could climb inside
a skin that you could hide in
skip church with me on sunday
we can stay in bed until noon
we can shave our heads together
and dance around your room
i've got my dad's face
and you your mother's wit
we could lose ten years
like a flick of the wrist
tie me to the table
stick me full of pins
fill my mouth with honey, pills, and flowers
watch it spill over my chin
skip church with me on sunday
we can stay in bed until noon
we can shave our heads together
and dance around your room
i used to live in tea leaves
my days were many shades of red
i spoke and told the future
from underneath my bed
but you can see right through me
i'm all arms and legs and skin
but in the light coming through your window
swore you saw a silhouette spinning
skip church with me on sunday
we can stay in bed until noon
we can shave our heads together
and dance around your room
i bought you a toothbrush
it looks nice next to my sink
we brush our teeth together
and in the mirror i think we look like twins
skip church with me on sunday
we can stay in bed until noon
we can shave our heads together
and dance around your room
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3. |
nimby
00:40
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mama the future is best told by the youngest in the room
and your prophecies have been obsolete since men were on the moon
in the war between man and ant, the ants win every time
the ants win every time
mama, the ants win every time
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4. |
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kavin tells a story, bev reacts, aspen and gabriel and me try to figure out the moon, roach sings
a jar of snailshells on the sill
cutouts from newspapers crowd the walls
lemon juice and lavender
a stolen salt shaker and menthols
orange peels in the kitchen sink
(a world seen from the cheap seats)
out the window, all rubble and weeds
(bless this, our common grave)
rosemary grows in coffee cans along the street
(a word misunderstood)
permanent grass stains on our knees
(they'd sell the sky if they could)
when the sun turns black
and they say the end is here
when the moon goes red
i'm making faces in the mirror
in the meantime...
sit with me in sunspots
rubbing pollen on our skin?
there's sugar in our spit
it's dripping down my chin
smoke em if you've got em then let's go upstairs
wet brain wet eyes blue blood wet hair
there's sugar in our spit x2
when the sun turns black
and they say the end is here
when the moon goes red
i'm making faces in the mirror
aaahhh
(all day the men have been like this... quiet, almost sad. most times they look forward to the end of a shift. unusual... the kind of day you don't want to see end)
bye bye, black sheep
bye bye, black sheep
i have a secret you could keep
r*ice-a-r*oni! the san francisco treat!
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5. |
tanner's will
00:41
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scatter my ashes at the country club
print my face onto a novelty coffee mug
make a necklace of my teeth
buy the airport bar and name it after me
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6. |
suckhoney
03:09
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i know my way round the backseats of cars
faking it back then was never that hard
but today i don't need to open my mouth
to give voice to the words i can never spit out
you're stuck between my teeth it goes to my head
i'm a lamplighter whose matches are wet
but the sky is lit up so we don't need a fire
and our blood is coursing like telephone wire
bwaaaaa (i'll be on the rug, with my head in your lap, in front of the stereo, head in your lap)
my face hurts from smiling so where do i sign
suckhoney suckhoney you're far too kind
you held the thin air and broke me off a piece
tied a bow in a cherry stem and i forgot how to speak
i fell into you chin first and landed face down
we're closing the curtains the world is too loud
where it warm and it's quiet, lets stay a while
and tie us some rings out of telephone wire
where it warm and it's quiet, lets stay a while
and tie us some rings out of telephone wire
you can, cut your clothes off me
and now you can see
you've made the same mistakes that i did
drip wax down my spine
and fill my head with wine
suckhoney there's sugar in your spit
sing until your lungs hurt
go stand in the dirt
and bellow till your voice spills down your chin
or dance me on the rug
harvest moon love
suckhoney there's sugar in your spit
suckhoney there's sugar in your spit
suckhoney there's sugar in your spit
suckhoney, if it moves, kiss it
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7. |
charlie's
02:31
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picture this, it's coming down and we can’t get a cab
one broken umbrella and two of us glad
to be with each other beneath awnings full of holes
in yellow rain jackets still wet to the bone
we were shivering and laughing like that time when
they caught us kissing in the walk-in freezer as soon as we'd clocked in
you laughed and told me dear get your chin up off the floor
because all ever did was scowl and slam the door
making flippy floppy, making coffee, kissing ourselves mute
sweet and sitting pretty, keeping busy, living in swim suits
repeating ourselves endlessly we never come in last
sending the big world postcards signed we’re never coming back
so we're standing here, dripping wet, waiting for the rain to stop
so we pop into charlie's pull up two stools at the bar
you're joking with the waitress and she's laughing along
i feed the jukebox a coin and pick out a song
you take my hand and clear the floor and say c'mon turn it up
the song hasn't started so we both drain our cups
heart of gold comes on again and the waitress rolls her eyes
she asks do you two have to do this every goddamn night?
making flippy floppy, making coffee, kissing ourselves mute
sweet and sitting pretty, keeping busy, living in swim suits
repeating ourselves endlessly but we never come in last
sending the big world postcards saying we’re never coming back
i have a paper hat on my concussion
we had sex instead of breakfast
you make faces at babies through car windows at stop lights
picture this, it's coming down and it's never going to stop
so we pay our tab and hopscotch home while we window shop
we jangle through the side door keys and jackets hit the floor
we've never had enough, so i guess it's time for more
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8. |
golgotha
00:32
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if i tried to do this right
i’d just do it less
so my process is a joke
and my vocals go red
it’s hard to get repetitive
if it lasts less than a minute
so i'll take my pills and drink my fill
til every tape is finished
my mind is full of good ideas
belly still full of hair
there’s someone driving drunk around my head and i don’t care
because there is much pain in the world but none inside this room
just bottles, empty boxes, and a splintering bassoon
last night i set off marching to golgotha and saw
carrying this cross to bear is as easy as falling off a log
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9. |
brannigan (sarah's song)
05:16
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i love you the way i loved the stranger on a bicycle i saw for six or seven seconds in the may of 2015, with bruce springsteen jeans and blonde hair and glasses like petri dishes. i love you like i love seeing your toothbrush by my bathroom sink, at 11:37 in the morning on a day you woke up before me to get to class, or work, or away. i love you like i loved the free beer at tom's birthday party that he didn't drink, but i did, for thirty or fourty minutes until i went and got sick out in the snow. (true story, made a fool of myself) i love you the way lemmings love lemmings, until there is too much love to bear and things begin to push... i love you like they love looking up as the world grows smaller and further away, and sea grows bigger and louder, to see his brothers and sisters begin to follow.
i love you more than i love words because i can only see and hear words but i can reach out and i can touch you. i love you the way my sister loved birds when she was sixteen, more and more and more and more and more until there were none that she hadn't already loved, and then there was nothing. i love you the way my mom loves trains that run on time. i love you the way my dad loves long words. and i love your love, and i am grateful. let's play pretend: i'm the dog, and you're the mailman. (thank you colin)
--
the man with the face of a baying cocker spaniel is at my door again
it's been some years but i still miss him now and then
i've still got his blood on my sheets and spit under my skin
he's pounding at the door and i can't help but let him in
he doesn't live here anymore so he rarely comes round
but if i ask nice he might let me hear his awful howls
the steam fills the house
the lights drift out
a voice takes my hand and presses me into the sound
and when i
open my eyes
i see:
swollen like a tick my ego sits
sings a lullaby from my best chair
it goes my love my love i went to hell
and saw you there
as he sings i hesitate, then start humming along
i build up a house of cards and he pulls out the tablecloth
then he kissed my cheek and anyway i can never hold a grudge
i wanna look like john wayne but i hate the taste of blood...
---
sugar soak my head
string wire across my bed
staring contest with the sun
when night falls you know you've won
drain ichor from my eyes
dali's needle cuts like a knife
slouching towards new bethlehem
i shot the rooster, fed the hen
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10. |
bloodbug
00:22
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welcome to the fire hazard
i'm glad to call this home
we could stay a little while
til the garden's overgrown
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11. |
flashlight tag
03:52
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everyone i've ever known
was in my dream last night
the strangest crowd of the strangest people
when i opened my mouth to speak
the words stuck to my teeth
like caramel, pulling out a filling
so i couldn't say hello
and i wandered long and slow
between bodies arms and legs like treacle
"december lasted six months
so this next round's on me"
said luis, embracing charlie
so i couldn't tell them
just how happy i was to see
their flushed faces and their colors
i took one last look as i turned to leave
because seeing them beside each other there
i didn't want to change a thing
i took one breath and held it in
as i step out the door
the world spins, and then slows
and then there they were, all of them as children
some playing flashlight tag
some burying a map
of how to get back here, maybe, they wouldn't tell me
evelyn flew by
with a dragon fly
in her excitement she almost crashed into me
tom let out a cry
waving a pocket knife
but with that smile on his face no one believed him
and of course they couldn't see
that in an instant this will be
just distant smells and memories
scars on knees and chlorine
wearing capes made out of sheets
waking up in the back seat
stories nobody believes
jumping through a pile of leave
the fear of swimming out too deep
why would you ever want to sleep
when there's all this to see?
---
i'm a wrist without a pulse, love without vows
i'm the bright lights of an airplane caught inside a cloud
i'm a little kid who's prematurely sewing their own shroud -
if you were anything like me you would be half a world away by now
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12. |
pineapple mayweed
02:05
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what is this coming out of the sky?
it's snowing on the fucking fourth of july??
they won't believe me when i tell them what i saw
until that bright big beautiful tomorrow
the sun came out eventually
as i laid in the gravel picking pineapple mayweed
so i've made my mind up, i'm going to sleep
until that bright big beautiful tomorrow
mother appears to me, deep in that dream
she takes my hands out of my mouth gently
she said "wash up, dear, you want to clean up nice
for that bright big beautiful tomorrow"
i see a light now, shining through my closed eyes
i reach for my shoes, i think it could be time
i tie my laces and begin to climb
towards that bright big beautiful tomorrow
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13. |
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everyone i've ever met was in my dream last night. M was riding around in the bottom of the shopping cart, telling me they remember me laughing at the bottom of the stairs. parker was making a collage of his parking tickets. haydar hadn't blinked for days. jack turns to hannah and says "what do we do now?" hannah tilts her head and thinks for a bit, then sparks up "let's buy a van and die in it!" akif is frozen from the neck down, but a smile splits his face. sabine's cutting hair out on the porch. noelle is darting in and out, grabbing handfuls of fallen hair and adding them to her collection. daniel's smoking his skinny cigarettes, shaking. alexa, baking bread. the man who is trying to quit smoking by eating a carrot every time he has a craving for a cigarette is turning orange.... everyone, living or dead, was there last night.
riley collected champagne flutes and parking tickets
sherry grew strange plants in her chest of drawers
parker insisted on drawing his visions
on ceiling, walls, window and floor,
jules spent his money on fruit and newspapers
while i spent my days in the pond
the tadpoles hatched and they squirmed around my body
i held my heart in my mouth and sang along
a house full of neighbors, soon to be strangers
out front shoes hang from the phone lines
uninvited change watched us from a distance
and laughed at our grand designs
so if we meet again can we please pretend
all that we said still holds true
every shared pain and each wasted night
you have to believe that the cat is alive
masha collected temporary tattoos
as snaggle-tooth sam sorted spoons
kindness and neglect always shared the same breath
the one thing we agreed on was food
if you spoke softly you might hear a whispered
sob or sigh or scream through the vents
hindsight shines bright on each word i regret
still i'd give my whole life to do it over again
~for the country's gigantic size, relatively few people live here...~
i'm keeping a secret, please don't tell nobody
i swallowed tadpoles from the pond
they swim and they squirm and they howl in my belly
the higher the heels the closer to god
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14. |
doggypaddle
02:53
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i waited patiently to spill open my guts
when it comes to absolution, integrity's a must
so if you sell me down the river, first let me find my water wings
cause i can doggy paddle about as well as you can sing
i sit perfectly still while praying for a wave
by now i've talked such nonsense
i can no longer feel pain!
and speaking of the lifetime
that passed us by today
the one thing i have to ask you
is "hey, are you awake?"
i'm an easy diagnosis,
that comes with batteries included
i've been living down at 668 east easy street
look me up in the yellow pages, i'm the neighbor of the beast
i've been fine thanks for asking
truth is i've been sat at home
building skinny cities of matchsticks
and ignoring the phone
all good things come in boxes
i found god in styrofoam
he wrapped my up in plastic said
we're all very sorry to say this
but due to unforeseen circumstances
i'm afraid judgment day's postponed :/
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15. |
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making breakfast
feeling better
i learned to love myself today
mouth full of teeth
great big brown eyes
two feet made out of clay
may god keep you
and complete you
teach you words to say
there is pain in every breath
but we can hold our breath today
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16. |
toad in the hole
05:41
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c'mon dad
let me take the car tonight?
when i was seven or eight
you took me up up on an airplane
and woke me up when the clouds had cleared and the world could be seen
you pointed out the window down to sea
then when we were on a subway
somewhere far off in flanders fields maybe
and i left my backpack on the train
and i thought the world would end
but you forgave me
and the kindness of a stranger brought it back to us
and so i slept tangled in my stuffed animals and cd walkman
you woke up me up for breakfast
cmon dad
we played gin rummy on the hotel bed
and if i wanted you could call home so i could hear my
sister’s voice but i only needed to one night
we laughed until the sun came up (it felt like)
then we walked down crossing canals like old explorers
to the museum full of shipwrecks and old bones
and seeing a skeleton i burst into unconsolable tears
cmon dad
remember turning back onto our street
singing to josh ritter on cd
coming home from showing me the world
and yeah i cried a couple times
and you thought maybe you had pushed this little kid too far
but my eyes were wide and wet and shining
and they still are
when i look around
yes i'm happy just to be here
but i still can't believe you
knew all this and said there might as well be more
more of us, more of them,
more little kids and more loose ends
more of us, more of them,
more little kids to wet the bed
cmon dad
let me take the car tonight?
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17. |
eat your heart out
03:27
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the number i see everywhere started counting down today
and now it feels like somethings living between my shoulder blades
i think i know all the right words but still can't tell you how it feels
i was looking for the answer til it hit me like a deer through the windshield
i'm waiting for a beacon
to shine on through the fog
because standing still right where i've always been
is as easy as falling off a log
two years of singing strangers' songs while forgetting how to speak
now i'm bending over backwards just to try and find my feet
all these hours, all this thought i tried to put to song
when i knew before i began it could only come out wrong
i'm waiting for a teacher
who might come along
and by example show sincerity can be
as easy as falling off a log
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18. |
evelyn
02:21
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off window sills
off fire escapes
off empire state
i had a dream that when you bled your blood ran baby blue
sunsets were redder at a table built for two
i hope one day i get to see you dressed up in all white
you’ll show me how to love love love a good old fashioned fight
off window sills
off fire escapes
off empire state
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young adult fiction Ypsilanti, Michigan
rat splendor
he/him
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